Their were lots of times when I would be in histiocytoma dog ear the same room as my AW and still feel lonely. I would ask a question and just be ignored, she was always on her phone looking up something on histiocytoma dog ear social media, texting, or checking her email. I believe it’s called a soft exit. It’s their way of shutting you out without actually leaving. Then if I would try and state that she spent histiocytoma dog ear to much time on her phone, I would get the I’ll spend as much time on my phone as I histiocytoma dog ear like argument. Then she would just shut me out. Made for tough times. I felt really alone during those times. She still does it, but not to the extent it was when she was histiocytoma dog ear drinking.
I like coming here and helping other. I want to let other people know that they are histiocytoma dog ear not alone and we are here to help them. Me letting them know that they are not alone make histiocytoma dog ear me feel less alone some times. Why I have a lot of acquaintances, I have very few close friends that I can just histiocytoma dog ear open up to. So it nice to have the SR family to talk histiocytoma dog ear to.
If you can find a good friend ,that you can talk about all things good and bad histiocytoma dog ear and get an honest answer back. You will never feel lonely. One good friend like that is worth more then a histiocytoma dog ear whole room full of acquaintances where you still feel alone. I hope you continue to come here and post. We are here and you will never be alone as histiocytoma dog ear long as you keep coming here. Keep being strong and have a good evening.
Mental loneliness..the everyday occurances that you sometimes take for granted in histiocytoma dog ear your life. Starting and cleaning off my car for me when its cold and snowy outside. Starting the coffee pot, making dinner for you, giving the dog a bath. The list goes on and on. These little things that one by one may not equal histiocytoma dog ear much but put them all together and they mean everything.
When alcohol took over my husbands life it took every histiocytoma dog ear part of me with it. I started telling him years ago that I was lonely histiocytoma dog ear and it scared me. Like it really scared me. I had never felt this way before. How could I be lonely? I know now it was because I was already detaching histiocytoma dog ear myself from him and him from me. Deep down I felt the pull to save myself from histiocytoma dog ear this emotional hell I was going thru. So I started shutting down, bit by bit. I just had no idea at the time why it histiocytoma dog ear was happening.
Im not gonna lie, I relied to much on my AH to fill in histiocytoma dog ear the gaps. I let my world revolve around him, from the day we met. Thats on me and Ill own it. I feel my loneliness comes out as anger, frustration, bitterness and I have to keep that in check. Al Anon has helped but Im going to start looking for a therapist. I need a more one on one approach. Im holding to much inside and I can feel myself histiocytoma dog ear breaking.
The words that are rising to the top with this histiocytoma dog ear loneliness is vulnerability , connection, nostalgia and resonance . I have been fortunate in my life to have good histiocytoma dog ear friends both short and long-term, who I can be deeply myself with. Recovery has given me those tools and I am so histiocytoma dog ear grateful. I live a great distance from many of them however histiocytoma dog ear and I am nostalgic for times when we were physically histiocytoma dog ear closer.
Actually writing that paragraph made me realize I think I histiocytoma dog ear finally have the LifeRecovery tools but I am not always histiocytoma dog ear finding relationships to use them in. I am capable of allowing myself to be seen. I am capable of seeing and being present with other histiocytoma dog ear people now…..and I don’t know that I am getting the chance to do histiocytoma dog ear it (or creating the chances). I am doing it in work that I love, and I am seeing the difference in my work because histiocytoma dog ear of it (I am a health care provider), but I am struggling to lean in more on this histiocytoma dog ear in my personal life. I feel like I am finally capable of connections in histiocytoma dog ear my life, but am not always allowing myself to be in it.
I am sorry that I posted earlier and then have histiocytoma dog ear not been on for a few more days. think that since I first posted I have flushed some histiocytoma dog ear of my challenges out. I think part of my loneliness is about my co-dependent tendencies. There is a difference between connection of being with someone histiocytoma dog ear during a time of challenge/crisis, and being in relationships where in the big picture there histiocytoma dog ear is a equal back and forth of "being" between people. I think I am comfortable with the former, and have tried to build many of my relationships based histiocytoma dog ear on that, but is unequal because of who I am choosing to histiocytoma dog ear be in relationship with. It is those relationships that I need to shift expectations histiocytoma dog ear around and/or let the relationship go. I think I am lonely for resonance of others willing histiocytoma dog ear to be in their own recovery that I can share histiocytoma dog ear my challenges and successes with. It is clear I am finally starting to shift towards histiocytoma dog ear people that are safe in their own skin and considering histiocytoma dog ear what we can do for each other rather than only histiocytoma dog ear considering what I can do for them as a sign histiocytoma dog ear of friendship.
Finally just to make sure I am completely honest part histiocytoma dog ear of what cracked this open for me is that I histiocytoma dog ear have had my first crush since my ex-problem drinker and I divorced. It is "messy" emotionally for a variety of reasons that have nothing to histiocytoma dog ear do with the guy I am crushing on. It has brought up a lot of sophomoric feelings and histiocytoma dog ear tendencies from my past. It has brought into sharp focus what I want to histiocytoma dog ear let go of/do differently in relationships now that I have some healthy histiocytoma dog ear muscle memory…..but I long for it in all aspects of my histiocytoma dog ear life not just in intimate relationships. I feel like I am relatively right with myself and histiocytoma dog ear feel like I want to take this show on the histiocytoma dog ear road….and don’t quite now how, and certainly don’t know how to keep a healthy balance between time histiocytoma dog ear to myself/time with others, where both are deeply fulfilling. I typically score 50/50 on introversion/extroversion and struggle to find a balancing act that works histiocytoma dog ear for me.
The guilt driving the Warriors Of Darkness may be similar dog tumor histiocytoma to the guilt driving Emet-Selch, but I don’t recall a point in that…
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The creepy dolls was a good idea for a theme fibrous histiocytoma this year and the guests seemed to like that and fibrous histiocytoma enjoy them too….