Real sex positivity comes from accepting that sex is messy histiocytoma removal cost and complicated and weird and that’s part of why it can be wonderful but rarely histiocytoma removal cost simple. It involves grappling with complicated truths like how rape culture histiocytoma removal cost and systematic oppression impact our desires. And it involves truly facing our own ability to violate histiocytoma removal cost the consent of our partners regardless of whether we resemble histiocytoma removal cost our idea of what a rapist looks like.
And like… that’s not remotely helpful. Because it doesn’t create room for honest open conversations about where these histiocytoma removal cost fantasies come from, how rape culture, sexism, racism, transphobia, ableism, etc impact our desires (spoiler alert: it impacts the really obvious sexist, racist, transphobic, ableist fetishes AND it impacts your more ‘ordinary’ everyday fantasies), where that translates to interpersonal harm and how we do histiocytoma removal cost the difficult work on unlearning that.
And we need them for all of us. We can’t pretend that most of us have a sexuality that histiocytoma removal cost isn’t impacted by all the fucked up shit in society histiocytoma removal cost and only some of us need to sit in the histiocytoma removal cost ‘I have a sexist kink’ corner and ponder over our sins. Just like everyone of us has to unlearn bigotry in histiocytoma removal cost our everyday interactions, everyone of us is gonna find some of it in histiocytoma removal cost our sexuality. And we don’t unlearn that by being quiet about it. We do it through messy conversations..
(by the way, this is only one thing that good sex positivity needs. We also need to talk way more about what shitty histiocytoma removal cost polyamory looks like and how much abusers currently get away histiocytoma removal cost with in polyamory spaces. We also need to talk about how in self-proclaimed body-positive fat-positive etc spaces the young skinny white bodies are still histiocytoma removal cost the most desired because
Our ideas of beauty don’t actually change over night by wishing them away. Etc. And we need to have sooooooo many conversations about how histiocytoma removal cost bad BDSM culture is and how we should probably burn histiocytoma removal cost it to the ground and rebuild kink without fetlife and histiocytoma removal cost without the creepy straight male doms that run all the histiocytoma removal cost BDSM munches. More conversations needed. These are just some of them.)
This mentality includes instant gratification (spend money on what you need now because you don’t know when you’ll get money again), dejection (because generations’ worth of hard work have not been enough to get histiocytoma removal cost you out of poverty), anger (because how fucking hard should it be to get out histiocytoma removal cost of poverty in the goddamned ‘land of opportunity’), and rebellion (if I play by the rules and I’m STILL fucked, then fuck you, I’m throwing out the rules and doing what I want histiocytoma removal cost with my life).
THIS HAS BEEN OBSERVED. People who are faced with intergenerational barriers react to those histiocytoma removal cost barriers, because IT IS VERY HARD NOT TO REACT TO THINGS. Obviously, not everyone who experiences poverty reacts the same way, but intergenerational poverty tends to result in similar mentalities. Please note that in the US, a significant portion of intergenerational poverty is experienced by black histiocytoma removal cost people, because as a nation we are still very much experiencing histiocytoma removal cost the effects of slavery, particularly in the form of residential segregation (2).
What the thesis actually says: long-term structural barriers prevent certain groups of people from rising histiocytoma removal cost out of poverty. In response to long-term poverty, these people adopt certain habits, attitudes, and beliefs that affect how they interact with the economy. If the structural barriers remain in place, these adjusted mindsets can themselves become a barrier.
If you want to quote the culture of poverty thesis, you NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF STRUCTURAL BARRIERS. These include residential segregation (especially redlining, and the historical practice of concentrating black communities in areas histiocytoma removal cost of deteriorating industry and unhealthy environments), hiring discrimination (a white man with a felony record is more likely histiocytoma removal cost to get hired than an otherwise identical black man WITHOUT histiocytoma removal cost criminal record) (3), and the paradox of educational requirements (you need a good job to get out of poverty, but to get a good job you need a college histiocytoma removal cost education, but to get a college education you need to be histiocytoma removal cost able to pay for college, but you’re literally living paycheck to paycheck and can’t save any money because you need every goddamn cent histiocytoma removal cost because you’re living in POVERTY).
We were high school girls who were worried we weren’t being kissed fast enough, even at 15. We felt shame boil up around our ears when men histiocytoma removal cost leaned out of cars to sling slurs at us. We wanted to feel good about ourselves but were sent histiocytoma removal cost home for showing our shoulders. What were we telling people by being so in love histiocytoma removal cost with our bodies that we showed them off in any histiocytoma removal cost small way. When we were older, we would ask, “why does this advertisement for socks have a barely-18-year-old girl lying mostly-naked on a bed?” we saw our own 18-year-old self, who could barely kiss right and still trembled about sex.
We turned into tired adults. We have our fires burnt out. We have explained and explained until our tongues turned numb histiocytoma removal cost why we deserve to be able to live without fear. We got sick of being teachers. Any dent we made was quickly refilled. We were sick of trying to talk to people who histiocytoma removal cost would never change their minds about us. We were sick of it. And we still asked: “where am i? Where are the people who look like me?”
I once was in a coffee shop sighing to a histiocytoma removal cost friend, “why don’t people get that not every girl has the same histiocytoma removal cost body or same metabolic system” and i was interrupted by a large man who has histiocytoma removal cost no idea how i eat or how much i weigh histiocytoma removal cost or how healthy i might be, and he loudly and briskly informed me, “victoria’s secret models have a more common body type than histiocytoma removal cost you think. If you’re so pissed about not being like the girls on histiocytoma removal cost tv, how about you change what you look like?” i had gone 6 days without eating.
So we made it up. We gave barbie a cape and our spotted dog the histiocytoma removal cost ability to control the weather. We wrote barely-legible fanfiction about vampires who were also terribly in love histiocytoma removal cost with us – because we were perfect in this world, unlike the mess of what really was – we crafted entire sub-stories about how the main characters in our favorite universes histiocytoma removal cost were secretly girls in disguise. We made 17-year-old characters who would cut the throats of anyone who histiocytoma removal cost hurt them. We drew pictures of women in full, angry armor. We wrote bad poems about the girls we loved and histiocytoma removal cost the ones we were jealous of. We hurt ourselves often, were excellent at denying ourselves in the name of something. We only ate salad, we wouldn’t touch grease, we didn’t buy certain things, didn’t get dirty. We used things to fill the gaps. Bath bombs. Fussy boots. Venti iced mocha half-caf.
And while you’re at it, maybe recognize that certain elements of the lesbian community, in particular, have been pushing policies exactly like this for 40 years histiocytoma removal cost now. That these bathroom bills trace their lineage directly back to histiocytoma removal cost lesbian radfem politics. That this is a problem with members of the community histiocytoma removal cost that you’ve been going out of your way to sheild from histiocytoma removal cost those evil tr***ies for decades. And maybe, just maybe, take out your trash.
First, a disclaimer: twerfs are a small (albeit extremely vocal and dangerous) subset of the lesbian community. The criticisms I’m about to level and the history I’m about to discuss is about them, not about the lesbian community as a whole. I do think the lesbian community has a problem with histiocytoma removal cost providing more protection for twerfs than trans women, but I do not think that twerfism is an inherent histiocytoma removal cost component of “lesbian” as an identity, personal or political, or as a community.
The entire narrative of “trans women are rapists trying to sneak into women’s spaces to attack them!” – the narrative being used to drive these bills – is not new. It originates with twerfs – trans woman exclusionary radical feminists, aka “gender critical” feminists. It’s the foundational point of their politics: that recognizing trans women inherently destroys safe spaces for women, because we’re really men trying to sneak in and attack them.
TWERFism itself has an easily traceable history, too – specifically, it’s an offshoot of early lesbian politics and the attempt histiocytoma removal cost to legitimize by tying into feminism (which was an established, credible movement). Some early lesbian politics positioned itself as “feminism taken to its logical conclusion;” that is, feminism which is entirely and totally about women to the histiocytoma removal cost exclusion of all things masculine.
With that as a starting point and the very binarist histiocytoma removal cost thinking of the era, it’s easy to see how “penis” was masculine-coded and thus something to be excluded. These are the same roots that spawned “gold star lesbians.” and from here, you have “radical” lesbian activists such as janice raymond, who wrote the seminal TWERF book the transsexual empire and histiocytoma removal cost was responsible for killing trans health care in 1981. Or the gorgons, a lesbian-separatist group that was known for carrying guns and threatened histiocytoma removal cost to kill sandy stone, a major player in early lesbian culture who was doing histiocytoma removal cost good for a lot of women, because she was trans. Or cathy brennan, who wrote to the UN attacking trans rights and runs histiocytoma removal cost a blog that routinely doxxes trans women, exposing them to violence. (I’m not going to link to it or even say histiocytoma removal cost its name here, because she tracks ips and picks fights, but its easy to find). Or their numerous acolytes and advocates and supporters, which I’m not going to waste time linking to or spoons histiocytoma removal cost reading any more. TWERF ideology has always been at the venn intersection of histiocytoma removal cost “lesbian,” “feminist,” and “violently hates trans people,” and the direct, legitimizing precedents for modern bathroom bills originate there.
I have direct, personal experience with this, too. I used to identify as lesbian. I stopped because I was tired of being called a histiocytoma removal cost rapist, a man, an invader who just wanted to contaminate lesbians with my histiocytoma removal cost penis – an organ which instantly and inherently excluded me, as (I was told repeatedly and at length) “lesbian” is defined as “woman who wants vagina.” I left the lesbian commuity because it was very clear histiocytoma removal cost that twerfs and their ideology had more of a place histiocytoma removal cost there than I did. This is a major problem if you believe in any histiocytoma removal cost sort of solidarity within the wider community – I’m not going to trust you to stand beside me histiocytoma removal cost if you defend people who want me dead because of histiocytoma removal cost my gender.
First, I’m going to make a painful admission here: I screwed up. I was trying to carve out an important position, and I made exactly the mistake I’ve been trying to stand against: I defined too narrowly. Transmasculine and non-binary people have been calling me out about this, and they’re right to. This is a trans issue, not specifically a trans lady issue, and “trans lady” leaves out a lot of transfeminine people who are, in fact, in the target group. Trans men and nonbinary people: I’m sorry. You deserved better. In trying to stand up for the margins of our histiocytoma removal cost community, I stepped on you more. I can only apologize and promise to do better about histiocytoma removal cost this in the future.
That said, I do think it’s important to recognize that these bills do target transfeminine histiocytoma removal cost people (basically anybody not AFAB who, when faced with a compulsory binary such as “men’s and women’s washrooms,” chooses female). Transmasculine people are directly affected but are not the actual histiocytoma removal cost targets. (this is why a number of people, myself included, have moved from “TERF” to “TWERF” when talking about the ideology I discussed above: because it’s always been specifically transmisogynistic in intent.)
In order to see this, you need merely look at the language used by advocates histiocytoma removal cost (and in the bills themselves) to justify them. It inevitably, always boils down to “protect women and girls from men in their washrooms.” always. That’s the totality of the argument, and it’s just the latest specific iteration of the TWERF “men in women’s spaces” discourse.
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